Thursday, March 31, 2005 the bible says to not go to bed when you're mad. Besides, I don't think i could go to sleep right now anyway. Even tho i pulled an all nighter last night and didn't nap today at all. So i'm venting...and i'm going to rant until this blows over.

I'm sick and tired of ____ ___. I can't stand people like 'him' who have no knowledge whatsoever of reality. the world they live in is a percieved world of fantasy. where everything is articulated precicesly how they're told. they have no concept of freedom. no sense of moral boundaries as personally given by God. no idea of what living among peers really involves.

Maybe i'm looking at this whole thing from a slanted viewpoint. maybe i don't see the whole picture. but i don't give a rip. right now, i see what i see and it doesn't calculate.

i hate it when ___ ___ forces his views over on other people, intruding into my life, my freinds, my subculture. slapping his clumsy cookie cutter piety on everything in sight so that it seems the epitome of wickedness to go against him.

the things he says, the way he says it, the effect he has. MAYBE ITS RIGHT!!! FOR YOU...maybe i'm not there yet...and maybe God's not dealing with me on that yet. but one thing i know for sure, He sure hasn't ordained you to challenge me in those areas yet. All this whitewashed bologne is going to do for me is get a reaction. a retaliation that lashes out in extremes. only i never have the courage to say it to his face. he'll turn it on me somehow i know.

i don't know if this is helping. i think i'm only working myself up on this matter.

but it drives it home when i have a moment to pause, reflect, and really bond with freinds...going beyond the rules and assignments that govern the basics of life, to discover what it means to have creativity. to really understand what life involves, and to become a person who thinks for themself and creates reality for themself. And all of a sudden who comes in to bash the whole thing? Why cant a good thing be let alone! the person does not bug me half so much as the concept, the idea, that enters in that says that in life we can be lazy and turn the ruling of our life over to a set of rules/standards that will determine every situation according to an absolute standard. I'm sounding like a post-modernist here, but maybe i am. maybe i need to embrace it and run. maybe i need to throw out all absolutes. I don't think so. one thing i do know:

I wanna uproot freakin legalism like a dandelion from my lawn.

and it scares me silly to see it growing in the lawn next to mine.

No comments: