MLS

Why is it that every so often i just get this MLS syndrome. right ryan? girls may PMS every so often, but i think for me it's just generally a MLS type o' deal: My Life Sucks.

I just a few minutes ago blazed into class late. I'd totally forgotten about it, saw everyone else getting ready for class, was talking to everyone about assignments we'd gotten back...etc. Then i remembered, "IT'S FRIDAY!!!! AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH...i have EzNehEs @ 1:10!!!! and it's 1:13..." Why do i even try?

i'm all worried right now. worried about my summer and how things are going to work out. worried about homework, there's no way i'm getting everything done that i need to get done by the final due dates. i'm totally sleep deprived, if Eleia had not given me her coffee this morning (making my grand total before 11am TWO tall doubleshot starbucks') then i'd be totally dead right now. i already slept thru chapel, and part of class. i'm not paying even a whit of attention right now, praise the lord for wireless internet in class. it rilly sux when it wont connect in this stuffy senior classroom.

i don't think worried is even the term i should be using here. i say i'm worried about this and that. i'm just clueless is more like it...i can't think. i'm not processing. i'm not in control of my future, and i feel i should be. i can't even focus recently to just get homework done. maybe it's sleep deprivation, but i've gone without sleep b4. maybe it's schedule overload, but i already can blank out and take calls at work while i'm half asleep, and passing notes w/Amber. maybe i'm just too distracted in general. but in any case i am highly frustrated with my life, why cant i just take control and get stuff in line? why is it that i'm always cramming at the last second? why is it that any plans i make never fall into place? why is it that i end up procrastinating and putting off the important in deference to the tyranny of the urgent? If i could ever just get ahead in life, physically, emotionally, mentally...i wouldn't even care about financially.

Basically, i really feel like My Life Sucks right now. I just went down to my dorm and screamed out, "I Hate My Life...and everything in it!" i didn't really mean it of course. but it sure does feel like it at times.

crap.

"we have been set apart from the world, for christ, for his use and purposes." that's what the teacher just said. what the heck is that supposed to mean? can i not hold it together for just a few minutes to take advantage of the great blessings that God is throwing in my face? Sure, He's going to work everything out for my good, and His ultimate glory. It really doens't make sense sometimes tho...couldn't He just make a few things simpler? Why the drama? why the suspense? why the crossing, double crossing? why the love? why the betrayal? why the temptations that plague us at ever turn?

I don’t have any answers. I’m just rambling…and most likely I’ll be over it in the morning. but I do wish that somehow I could learn to truly live in the present, for the future, remembering the past. if I keep MLS-ing all the time, I’m never going anywhere. I guess all I have to do now is to keep doing what I’ve done in the past keep plugging along. press forward. don’t allow anything to get me down. take the lemons life throws at me and make lemonade. do the next thing. Just Do The Next Thing. and don’t forget everything else while you’re doing it!!! Dang it!

all I’m in this class for is for the credit that I need….and the homework I’m turning in is easy as pie…all 100’s so far. 20 minutes left in here…what should I do? the rest of the time is going to drag…