Thursday, July 05, 2007
"Is it okay?"
Is it okay,
to feel so disconnected
and think it doesn't apply to me
to be so far away in thought
and miss all that is said
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to question the meaning of life
and ponder the pleasures of death
to long to be free of this earth
and still want to 'live large' while I'm here
Is it okay?
Is it okay,
to be a hardened cynic
and moreso every day
to wake up to find yourself
and not the self you planned on being
to reel in horror at who you've become
and yet, unable to find it in you to care
Is it okay?
Is it okay,
to leave the pages of your journal blank
and not write a single word
after those six fateful words
"most wonderful woman i've ever met"
grace the last-used page
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to be addicted to numbing pain
and try to hide from hurt
to finding it easier to leave off thought
and favor the blank slate of a drugged mind
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to, upon looking around
and seeing nothing but complete happiness,
to pin on my innane smile
and eke out that sneering congratulations
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to be so neutral
and argue both sides of the fence
to live as if there is no conflict
and be at peace with the turmoil within
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to burn with passion and drive
and just spend another day at 'the grind'
to lust for heaven's fulfillment
and just drink that one more cup of coffee
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to be ready to defy sleep
and know at the same time
that come another night
and i'll succumb...to sleep...and wretched refreshment
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to wonder what holds me back
and know that guilty giant
to commit such a crime
can only be me alone
is it okay?
Is it okay
to push all imagination aside
and favor only what i know
to know what it is i want
and want only what i know
to believe that spirits do exist
and seek them only in a glass
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to see a ray of light
and rush to embrace it
to love to see joy
and gather laughter around
to have them both elude you
and wonder what they can feel like
is it okay?
Is it okay,
to believe that there is only one white
and sort through ten different shades
Is it okay?
Is it okay,
to feel the pages of my memory
rustle with the hint of
what once was
what could be
what lies miles away
too far outside my reach
is it okay?
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2 comments:
"Incline your ear,
O Lord, and answer me;
For I am afflicted and
needy.
Preserve my soul, for I
am a godly man;
O You my God, save
Your servant who trusts in
Be gracious to me
O Lord,
For to You I cry all day
long.
Make glad the soul of Your
sevant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift
up my soul.
For You, Lord are good,
and ready to forgive,
And abundant in
lovingkindness to all
who call upon You.
Give ear, O Lord to my
prayer;
And give heed to the voice
of my supplications!
IN THE DAY OF MY TROUBLE
I SHALL CALL UPON YOU
FOR YOU WILL ANSWER ME
THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU
Among the Gods,
O Lord,
Nor are there any works
like Yours.
All nations whom You
have made shall come
and worship before You,
O Lord,
And they shall glorify Your
name.
FOR YOU ARE GREAT AND
DO WONDROUS DEEDS;
YOU ALONE ARE GOD.
Psalm 86: 1-10
Im praying for you.
Any great thing God would do through you is beyond your reach. You are engraved upon the palm of His hand and His arm is not so short that it cannot save [redeem, provide, enable]. I think most men who have been used by God in a great way have had legitimate doubts regarding salvation, readiness, worthiness, usefulness, and even calling.
Faith... in Him who is faithful,
Hope... in the dreams and visions and callings given by Him who is our hope,
and Love... for yourself, for who you are and who you are becoming, for each person whose life you are entrusted to better by the Author of Love who is Love...
will eclipse and outlast all passing doubts which, by the way, you are privileged to bring into captivity to the obedience of Christ.
Our adversary, the Devil, may daily lead a parade of doubts down the Main Street of your mind. Invoke the Bishop of your soul to don His police uniform and direct the parade traffic down the street to the bridge that is out over the sea of No Remembrance into which all such distractions are cast.
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